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| New entry...God it's been forever...I'm all moved in to Kennesaw now, and LOVING it...classes are ok...but I haven't even picked up a pencil all semester...(I should probably work on that huh?) I miss my friends from berry (except for my ex, Megan, she can burn in hell for all that I care), and UGA, and those recently left from roswell, and those still in roswell...(I even miss my little sis...who knew that would ever happen!) My roomates fucking rock, the parties are sick (usually me and mine are the ones throwing the parties...when we first moved in we had a 2 week long party at my place, and now everyone in our apartment complex knows who we are...lol) and it's alot easier to drink without cop trouble...always a plus...so life is good...
much love for my roomies
Espoz - EZ mother Fucking E
Will - Big Will
Jett- Little Gimp
It's my birthday on the 25th...I'm throwing down on Saturday night in atlanta, my boys are throwin me a party (with close to 300 dollars worth of beer and liqour)
ATL HOE
ONE LOVE!!!
Peace...
Joe | | |
| Ok so it's been a while...I am in the most pissed off mood today...and I'm so depressed once again its not even funny...Megan broke up with me last night...for the second time. I loved her, and I respected her, and when we split up the first time I chased her and I wouldn't let her go...and it hurt the whole time, but eventually she came around and after going through so much together SHE decided that she wanted me to be with her again officially, she even called me and "asked me out". Last weekend I drove all the way to macon to see her and meet her family...and she ends things with..."It's just to good to be true, and it scares me.." Scared my ass...no one uses a line like that unless shes already wanting to date someone else...she may not have ridden the horse yet...but she's already got one picked out i'm sure...I don't deserve this shit, and I'm done with her...because I don't have the strength of will to do this with her again...I hope her next guy mistreats her just like her ex boyfriend before me did...I was the only guy she's ever been with that treated her in a good way all the time...now she lost it...and I don't care if she comes back later realizing how stupid she was...she is stupid and she has made the wrong decision...I hope she has a good life without me in it...
To Megan...You have fucked me over for the last time and I'm not going to be Mr. Nice guy anymore...I'm out of your life just like you want me to, but I just wanted to take this opportunity to say "FUCK YOU!!!" and to tell you that I won't let you fuck with my head anymore. | | |
| ok, i needed a new song.....and a new entry....both of which should not be depressing anymore.......so heres one, not my usual genre, figured id branch out and show my softer side... | | |
| alright, finally decided to update I guess....alot of shit's been going on, some I can talk about and some I can't...Things have gotten realy messed up with my family, and I haven't been doing as well in school lately as I would like. Which I don't get because I realy am trying hard. All I can do is keep doing as I'm doing and try as hard as possible to bring those grades up so I can stay here at Berry next year...
I find that I am afraid....afraid that I will become a failure to me family and friends in so many different aspects. school has become increasingly difficult, my love life falters every time I try something new, and the intense stress.....my god it threatens to overwhelm me and I find myself afraid of my own future: always wanting everyone to be happy, or like me, or be proud of me, or respect me,.....even at the expense of myself.
yet this is a false altruism, for I feel there is not nearly as much good in me as I would like, I don't understand why I feel this way, but I do. I make others happy because it keeps me happy, lately though, there is just too much to deal with, stress overwhelms me, constant fear of rejection or misrepresentation, fear that I will never find someone who will love me as I am capable of loving, fear that I will fail my parents by not keeping my scholarships, and failing myself for all of the above.
I'm just not comfortable in my skin anymore...
for those reading this, do not be discouraged....my mental state is not as unstable as it must seem at the moment. It has just been a rough weekend, with a rough start to a new week. My current entry reflects my CURRENT mood, which for all I know may change tomorow...just saying how I feel i guess. | | |
| Ok....so I royally fucked up with my buddy will and his girlfriend........one of my best friends came to see me today and brought his girlfriend who he's like in love with...we were all jokng around and looking at pictures and he had a picture of him and his ex who he went to see over the break...and i was like..."oh hey, thats lauryn..." and little did I Know that will had told her that it was someone else and not his ex and that he hadnt seen her over the break...so I screwed up his lie and now i'm in the doghouse wiht him cuz shes really pissed and she's prolly gonna breakup with him which is stupid cuz he didnt do ANYTHING with lauryn...he doesnt like her anymore.and he only lied cuz he knew shed make a bigger deal out of it then it is....will and lauryn are ONLY FRIENDS now...but i think shes a great girl and sweet so if shes smart shell see through all this crap cuz he really wouldnt do that to her, he realy cares about her and I feel like such a dick, even though i realy didnt know any of that....if i had known he hadnt told her i wouldnt have said anything....oi....damn....why do I keep fucking up with poeple lately...someone please shoot me now.... | | |
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